Overcoming Anxiety: Understanding its Root Cause
Mar 31, 2021
We often think of our anxieties and insecurities as something that comes out of the blue - but it is essential to remember that these feelings are often the product of wounds we receive as children. As Dr. Mariel Buquè puts it, "We internalize our parent's availability."
Most parents want to provide their kids with a secure attachment style relying on six essential components – attunement, responsiveness, engagement, ability to regulate arousal, strong enough to handle negative emotions & willingness to repair.
Unfortunately, if those in an authoritative role don't fulfill these needs, then insecure attachment styles such as Avoidant Anxious/Ambivalence or Disorganized emerge instead. Our childhood experiences shape much more than we might realize about ourselves today; understanding where your anxiety comes from is critical for breaking the cycle.
The Six Essential Components of a Secure Attachment Style
For a child to develop a secure attachment style, they must have access to six essential components – attunement, responsiveness, engagement, ability to regulate arousal, strong enough to handle negative emotions & willingness to repair (Young 2018).
Attunement refers to the ability of an adult figure (usually a parent) to connect emotionally with their child and understand what the child needs in any given situation.
Responsiveness is related and refers to the adult's capacity for empathy towards the child's developing emotional needs.
Engagement is when an adult actively participates in activities with their child while demonstrating acceptance of all aspects of their personality and behavior - including difficult emotions such as anger or sadness.
The ability to regulate arousal refers to adults being able to help a child calm down after becoming overwhelmed by intense emotion without shaming them or dismissing their feelings.
Being strong enough to handle negative emotions means adults should be comfortable displaying all kinds of emotions so children can learn how to manage and express their feelings appropriately.
Finally, a willingness to repair means adults need to take responsibility for their mistakes so that children can learn how to apologize and make amends when needed.
When these components are missing from a caregiver's behavior, then insecure attachment styles can result, which may lead later on in life to developing anxiety disorders such as Panic Disorder or Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). It may be difficult, or some people accept that their current anxieties stem from childhood experiences, but understanding this link allows you to start the healing process by first understanding where your anxiety comes from rather than simply trying various coping mechanisms without knowing why you feel anxious in the first place!
We all need to use our experiences, both good and bad, as tools for growth rather than allowing them to weigh us down indefinitely; understanding where your anxieties come from is a vital part of this process! Knowing what kind of attachment style you had growing up can provide insight into why you might experience certain feelings today - especially concerning anxiety disorders like Panic Disorder or Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD).
It takes courage, but once you fully reflect on your past, it will help pave the way toward healing and, ultimately, inner peace & contentment!
Interested in learning more about how insecure attachment affects children?
Other blog posts about attachment can be found here.
