The Mistake Most Parents Make (Without Even Knowing It)
Mar 05, 2025
Many well-meaning parents unknowingly create emotional distance with their children through everyday interactions. It’s not intentional, and it’s not mean-spirited. But it happens.
The result? A child who feels misunderstood, unseen, and disconnected.
Some common ways this happens include:
- Dismissing feelings: Saying things like “You’re fine,” “It’s not a big deal,” or “There’s nothing to be upset about” teaches kids that their emotions don’t matter.
- Overcorrecting behavior: Constantly pointing out mistakes or focusing on improvement can make kids feel like they’re never good enough.
- Expecting immediate compliance: Jumping straight to discipline without first connecting can make kids feel controlled rather than supported.
Why Kids Pull Away
Children don’t distance themselves because they don’t love you. They withdraw when they feel unseen, unheard, or overly controlled. When a child feels emotionally unsafe—meaning they believe their thoughts and feelings aren’t valued—they instinctively shut down or rebel.
Think about it this way: if every time you shared something vulnerable with a friend, they dismissed your feelings or tried to fix you, you’d probably stop sharing. The same goes for kids. They need connection before correction—a sense of belonging and safety before they’re willing to open up or accept guidance.
What to Do Instead: Build Connection First
1. Validate Emotions Before Fixing the Problem
- Instead of saying, “You’ll be fine,” try “That sounds really tough. Want to talk about it?”
- Before correcting, acknowledge their feelings: “I see that you’re frustrated. That makes sense.”
2. Ask Open-Ended Questions
- Swap “How was your day?” (which invites one-word answers) for:
- “Tell me one thing that made you smile today.”
- “What was the best part of your day?”
- “Did anything surprise you today?”
- These questions invite deeper conversations and show genuine interest in their world.
3. Give Space, But Stay Present
- If your child withdraws, don’t chase or pressure them to talk. Instead, be available.
- Sit nearby, do an activity they enjoy, and wait for them to come to you.
- A simple “I’m here if you want to talk” can go a long way.
4. Prioritize Connection Over Correction
- Before redirecting behavior, pause and connect. For example:
- If they’re melting down, instead of “Stop crying,” try “I can see you’re upset. I’m here.”
- If they refuse to listen, instead of “Do what I said now,” try “Let’s take a deep breath together and figure this out.”
- Discipline works best when kids feel safe and connected first.
Want to strengthen your bond? Let’s build a plan together.
Book a parent consultation today, and let’s start strengthening your connection—one small step at a time.
